Light Ray Blues, Series 2, Instalment 12: The joke's on me

We left Ed Bryce in the hands of two men-in-black, but now he was free to do what's he's got to do. Pass me that foot stool before the show starts . . . 

I strode into Lester’s Laffs right toward the little man behind the counter at the end of the aisle. I was in no mood for fun and games and got right to the point,  “Where is Dr. Mary Ellesmere?”

“Who?”

I wanted to reach across the counter and shake him by the throat. But going to jail wasn’t my goal, finding Dr. Ellesmere was. I continued, “You know, Dr. Ellesmere, the professor that you’ve kidnapped.”

“Listen buddy, I don’t know who you’re talkin’ about and I haven’t kidnapped anyone. Who do you think you are accusing me like that! Get outta here or I’ll call the cops.” 

I was furious with this guy, “Call ‘em. They’ll be here soon away. That little stunt you pulled leaving one of your joke severed thumbs in the mailbox of a missing woman along with a note telling them where you are will have them here any minute. In fact, I’ll help you out. I’m going to that phone out there,” I pointed to a public phone in the Complex’s hallway, “and call them myself to come and get you!”

The counterman reached below his counter and pulled out a sawed off shotgun.

“Get out!, “ he yelled as he raised it to get a bead on me.

I ran for the door, tripped on the threshold on my way out and landed splayed out on my stomach on the hallway floor outside Lester’s Laffs. I slowly picked myself up and glanced back in. My right leg didn’t feel too good. The counterman leveled the gun at me and fired.

There was a firecracker like sound, and a flag with ‘Bang’ written on it popped out from a barrel. 

I automatically dove to the floor and tried to emulate a pancake. The counterman was laughing so hard he was nearly falling over. I was shaking, but I was going back in there and have it out with that guy.

As I was trying to stand, two passersby reached down and helped me to my feet. 

“Are you ok sir?,” asked one.

“Yeah, but he isn’t going to be,” I grumbled while staring at Lester across the hall. My right leg still felt bad, but Lester’s was going to be worse once I’d finished with him.

“That’s good, but don’t do anything funny.”

The second one changed his grip on my arm from helping to restraining while twisting it up against my back. The first one clamped a handcuff on my wrist and the matching one to his free wrist. The second one then used his free hand to press what felt like a small cigarette box into my spine.

“What are you doing?,” I groaned.

“Don’t turn around or do anything. Just relax.”

The first one smiled and nodded to passersby out on their mid-afternoon breaks. Both these guys were dressed like every other nondescript bureaucrat strolling through the mall. Out of style sport coats, white shirts, gray slacks, scuffed loafers and ID badges on leashes dangling from their necks. These two were just helping a colleague who was driven to drink before happy-hour. Happens all the time I’m told. Nothing to see here.

“Or what? That isn’t a gun,” I hissed as I squirmed to try and free myself.

The second one scrunched up close to me and whispered in my ear, “You’re right Ed, it’s not. It’s a fusor and one little squeeze and your insides will be sliced out and barbecued before you can yell come and get it.”

Episode 13 can be found here.